What Possessed Them to Buy That?
by Chazwood

We have six kids. Yes, they’re all ours. Yes, we know what causes it. And YES, if you must know, we like it. I say that, to say this ....if you had six kids, you would be called all kinds of things. Crazy, nuts, gluttons for punishment, loony, insane and don’t forget, candidates for the “Better You Than Me” award. (That’s just to your face.... never mind what they say behind your back.) I have, of course, been called all these and more at some time or another, but in all my born days I never remember being called possessed.
Let me explain. Most of my kids play tennis. Real tennis. When they played “fake” tennis, life was simple....all we had to do was go down the street and fake it. Simple. Quick. Done. But as their skills improved, things got a little more complicated. Now we have to pack the car, leave the porch light on, lock up the house, fill up the gas tank, and drive for hours to play against kids from other states (who’s parents are in the same boat) before my kids feel like they’ve actually accomplished anything real. After four years of really real tennis things were getting rather expensive.

So, we bought a bus. A bus to convert. (footnote; we actually thought that by buying a bus and converting it, we might-could save money...OK ....add another name to the list: wildly optimistic.) That’s when all the possession stuff started. We bought the bus at night (don’t do that) from a guy locally and only had a 25 mile trip to get it home. About 3 miles out I realized that I might have a problem getting the bus into my driveway, so we called our neighbors and informed them that we would be using their driveway for the night.
This was not as rude as one might think because my neighbors are my wife’s parents. Rude? No. Startling? Yes. Because It wasn’t until later I realized that my father-in-law was so far out of the loop that he never had the slightest idea we were even considering buying a bus - never mind bought one. (He always says, “They never tell me anything!”) You can imagine the look on his face when he followed his wife out of the house to look at his daughter’s new vehicle and there was a Carnival Cruise Ship parked 30 feet from his front door. Priceless.

There we were....a giant MCI, MC-9 with a 6v92t cranking away on fast idle.... every running and interior light on the whole bus blazing ( we were, as my wife is fond of saying.... “lit up like Fort Knox”) and there’s my father-in-law standing at the end of his walkway with a deep and profound look of total surprise on his face. He could not have looked more dumbfounded if a spaceship had landed on his front lawn and was spewing out little green men.

Since everyone was partying in the bus, running up and down the aisles, flipping light switches, and he was standing outside alone I sprang out the front door and yelled did he need a ride. He didn’t even hear me. At least he didn’t acknowledge my question. He wasn’t being rude, he was just too busy trying to make sense of the situation, I’m sure. I didn’t feel like repeating the question so I did what anyone else would have done in that situation ...took my place beside him.... turned to look at what he was looking at and stood there until I overheard him mutter to himself......”What possessed them to buy that?!”

At first I was able to dismiss his comment as funny and meaningless, but now that I think about it, he may have been onto something. You see, I’m beginning to feel a little possessed. For instance, I am possessed with an almost overwhelming urge to start the engine for no particular reason..... other than just to hear it run. I am possessed with an almost uncontrollable urge to drive it..... anywhere. This involves making up stories about how I’m “testing” stuff so that my wife won’t think I’m going nuts. (Side note: for those of you who are wondering what driving one of these buses feels like......sit down in your lazyboy in front of the biggest picture window in your house, take out your house keys and start your house, put it in gear and drive your house down the highway at 70mph..... try desperately to keep a straight face. You look silly driving something that big, grinning.)

I’m also spontaneously possessed with an urge to get on my back and crawl around under the bus or into the engine compartment for nothing more than a “look-see”, knowing full well that all that black stuff living under/in there will instantly ruin the clothes I’m wearing. I find myself possessed with the need to search for things to fix.... filled with secret pride when I actually find and fix them..... and then complain about how many things need fixing. And last but not least, I am possessed with the thought of driving a very long distance to looking at totally different scenery and spending large chunks of time and money in strange places....just because I can.

In short, I must admit, I think he was right. I’m possessed........And yes, I like it.

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